A PLAY IN ONE ACT
Cast of Characters:
DAVE EYSTER, Mendocino County District Attorney
BUNNY, Dave’s invisible childhood friend
BUNNY: Dave? Dave? Dave it’s me. Dave! Dave wake up!
DAVE: Huh? Whaa? Dave’s not here.
B: No Dave, you’re Dave. You’re here. Dave it’s me, Bunny. Dave! Wake up! It’s your imaginary friend Bunny!
D: Dave’s not here. He’s not taking calls and I’m not returning messages. Dave’s not me anymore. I’m not me anymore either, now that I think of it but I can’t think or I wouldn’t have gotten me into this mess. So tell Bruce Anderson I’m not here and I’m not returning messages and to quit calling me and demanding an interview. Tell him Dave’s not here!
B: Right. Of course. Has, uhh, Bruce Anderson over at that Boonville newspaper thing been calling you, Dave? Recently?
D: All the time! He’s leaving messages in my teeth, in the fillings of my teeth! All day long he’s yelling at me. Somebody’s got to tell him Dave’s Not Here!
B: Umm, Dave, you maybe should know that Bruce Anderson had an operation last year. Surgery. Surgery on his throat and now he can’t talk. He’s mute.
D: What?!? Say that again! What?
B: He can’t talk. He isn’t sending you messages in your fillings because he’s unable to speak.
D: Why, why … am I in heaven? No more that guy, that guy you know, calling me up? No more? Did I die and go to heaven?
B: Look, Dave. He can’t hurt you any more. No one can hurt you. I’ll protect you. Don’t worry about him. Just get some rest and forget about your problems. They’ll seem small in the morning.
D: I can’t sleep. All I do is toss and turn.
B: What about the Oxycontin? Isn’t that helping you sleep? With the Southern Comfort and Raley’s gin?
D: Arrgh. Out of oxycontin. All gone. No more refills. I’ll never sleep again.
B: Refills? Like at a pharmacy? Don’t be silly. What about the evidence locker? Lots of confiscated pills in there. Oxycontin, Nembutol, Fentanyl. What about Fentanyl? Didn’t Ukiah cops just bring down 6000 Fentanyl pills over on West Clay Street? They’re in the evidence locker and you’ve got the key.
D: Uggh. Fentanyl. Hurts my stomach. I take fentanyl and I get these nightmares; Mike Geniella chasing me around the courthouse throwing typewriters at me and shouting Portuguese curses at my unborn grandchildren.
B: Hmm. No point trying Melatonin or CBD juice.
D: Don’t make me laugh.
B: Dave, you worry too much. This is all going to pass. It’s all going to melt away and you’ll be retired and living on a beach with the fattest pension the county can’t afford, not with the way you bankrupted it. So smile and feel good. Don’t worry, be happy!
D: OK, one last thing that’s got my orifices leaking. What about TWK and that column he’s got for next week telling the Board of Supervisors to fire me. Then what? What about my pension and my happy future if that happens?
B: Oh Dave, just listen to yourself! That’s crazy talk. The Board of Supervisors can’t fire you. You’re an elected official! They can’t touch you.
D: (Exhales big sigh.) Oh Bunnykins, that’s great. Wow. Thanks.
B: Especially because there’s precedent.
D: Huh?
B: Precedent. Like if another elected official got fired and it wasn’t contested then it turns into a ruling or decision-type thing where it’s the new law. At least I think that’s how it works. Like what you did when you had the Board fire Chemise Cubbison, even though she’s an elected official. Illegal as can be. The board obviously couldn’t do that, but now that you’ve established precedent it’s smooth sailing. Next stop: Sunny beach in a country with no extradition agreements.
D: Huh. Guess I’m smarter than I thought. Get Bruce Anderson on the line.
Here HERE hold my beer. Oh oops don’t drink. Okay yeah. 100% the cast of miscreants and ass kissers are the majority of county staff and county council. No one questions or speaks of the ATROCITIES. They are running on the long utilized SOPs, that by the way are not SOPs anywhere else in California! Nod, smile, wave. Staff afraid to acknowledge what is real or smoke n mirrors, they keep shuffling and building complacency. Compare to DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. You want paid, ignore it all, if you question competence, knowlege, job skills we will fire you or discipline you. Really sick, twisted shit and these are our leaders and management.
The true consequence of this whole fiasco is that a lot of us have started to sit up and realize what an insecure bunch of small-pond power-trippers our local government is.
The only one I trust now is Chamise Cubbison!!
“The only one I trust now is Chamise Cubbison!!“
UM
+1
Be well,
Laz
We all can see the corruption that Eyster has caused, not only within the other officials, but look at all the lives that have been sentenced to prison, the restitutions that have been set to pay into the victims foundation, even if a case don’t have a victim involved. Eyster has gotten away with bullying the entire court. Running the system like it’s his own personal fun house, and he’s the only one having fun. Or shall I say funds. Go and watch him in action, it’s really a sick display of bullshit to sit and watch the judges, the public pretenders, and any other official in the court room go for only what Eyster has to say. The Mendocino County Court House is an embarrassment to the Justice system. Shouldn’t the people of the country be able to get this guy out of our courts? How about starting with a petition and a protest. Right in front of the court house. Are we the people of Mendocino county going to sit back and keep letting this behavior continue? What ever happened to the $5 million that was missing out of $7 million? Did we forget that was an issue?
Yes 100% oodles of folks charged, arrested, cars impounded and charges dropped but never get the car back due to the innacurate impound fees levied. Consider Eyster drinks and drives regularly but is never held accountable. Refuses to acknowledge that he is out of line and sits in the Attorney General’s back pocket, a relationship forged in the good ol college days. There is no law and justice in Mendocino County unless you are in the clique otherwise your a POS.